Common Urn Buying Mistakes (and How to Avoid Them)

Buying an urn is not something most people plan for - and it usually happens during one of the hardest periods of life. When emotions are high and decisions feel urgent, it’s completely normal to feel unsure.

Over the years, we’ve seen a few common mistakes people make when choosing an urn. None of them are irreversible - and none mean you’ve failed. This guide exists to help you avoid unnecessary stress and make a choice you feel comfortable with.

 

Choosing an urn that’s too small

This is the most common concern - and thankfully, one of the easiest to avoid. Many people don’t realise that keepsake urns are not designed to hold all ashes. They are intended for a small portion only. If you’re planning to keep all ashes together, you’ll need a full-size adult urn.

How to avoid this:

• If you’re keeping all ashes together, choose a standard adult urn
• If you want to share ashes, choose one main urn plus keepsakes
• When in doubt, size up - extra space is never a problem

Rushing the decision because it feels urgent

It’s common to feel pressure to “just pick something” so the task is done. But in most cases, there is no deadline for choosing an urn.

Ashes can be safely kept in the temporary container provided by the crematorium for as long as needed.

How to avoid this:

• Give yourself permission to wait
• Look at options over a few days, not all at once
• Choose something that feels right - not something that just ends the task

Assuming there’s a “right” or “wrong” choice

People often worry:

“Would they have liked this?”

“Is this appropriate?”

“What will other people think?”

There is no rulebook for grief - and no correct urn style. Some families want something traditional. Others choose modern, minimalist, artistic, or even colourful designs. All are valid.

How to avoid this:

• Focus on what feels meaningful to you
• Remember: this is a personal memorial, not a public performance

Forgetting where the urn will be kept

An urn that looks perfect online may not suit where it’s going to live.

Common placements include:

• A shelf or mantle
• A memorial cabinet
• A columbarium niche
• Burial or natural placement

How to avoid this:

• Check measurements before purchasing
• Consider weight, material, and visibility
• Choose materials appropriate for the final resting place

Not realising personalisation options exist

Many people don’t realise urns can be personalised - or assume it’s complicated or expensive. Names, dates, symbols, or small inscriptions can make an urn feel deeply personal without being overwhelming.

How to avoid this:

• Look for engraving or customisation options
• Keep it simple - even a name can mean everything
• Ask if you’re unsure what’s possible

Feeling like you should “know what to do”

This is not intuitive. You’re not expected to understand urn sizes, materials, or terminology - especially while grieving. Needing guidance does not mean you’re doing something wrong.

How to avoid this:

• Ask questions
• Reach out for clarification
• Let professionals guide you when you need support

A final thought

If you take nothing else from this article, remember this:

You are allowed to take your time. You are allowed to change your mind. And you are allowed to ask for help.

Choosing an urn is just one small step in a much bigger process - and whatever choice you make, it will be enough.